Two more days, two more nights of very little sleep. Definitely starting to get the feeling that it does have a very strong correlation with my mood. I'm trying it with an app that a counselor recommended. Yesterday was bad and the night before was even worse. Drove off from home, while not being of right mind (something I take very seriously and am very disappointed in myself) and was contemplating some not so good things. Fortunately I do not and will not make a plan, so that's a great thing!!! Was nearly brought to tears on several occasions yesterday for no apparent reason and my instant anger over the most menial things. So there's still that...
That, however was not what I wanted this post to be about. While getting my super hero wife's chariot inspected by a Kenpo buddy's shop, he was doing me a huge favor of giving me a ride back to the car when it's done. Having not seen him in quite a while, ya know due to the pandemic and us both not training anymore, we get to catching up. Conversation turns to why I'm not driving and then my current battle with depression. Turns out I do a very good job of hiding it. Both him and his son (whom I also trained with) never knew I suffered from depression. In fact it was quite the opposite. He always viewed me as the large personality and even used the word "jolly". I guess if my beard was grey I could pass as Santa.
It just drove home the fact that you never do know who is quietly suffering. Depression is a silent killer and can effect any person, of any race, of any size. It doesn't matter who you are. So during this heightened stressful time maybe choose your words more carefully. You never know those words could be the straw that broke the camels back and pushes someone over the edge. I know I have to be especially aware of this, because in my current state of mind, harsh words seem to come out a lot, even if not meant. My brain is just in a dark place and I seem to want others there with me.
On the bright side we ended the night with watching a movie as a family, playing games and laughing up a storm, so I went to bed very happy and content and woke up in a ok mood. Definitely not as dark as yesterday, so that's good. Looking forward to another fun night with the family tonight. Have a good one and make sure you hug your loved ones. There are people out there who can't now because everyone believed a TV Personality turned Dictator. Sorry....
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