A New Me

I know, I know I have said this before. I hope that it is different this time, but that is part of my problem. I lack confidence in myself. I’ve started and stopped things so many times I cannot count any more. So what makes me think this time it will be any different.

Funny thing is that part of this change happened because I was thrown in 30 Day Facebook Jail for the 2nd time within days of just getting out of Facebook Jail. You would think that I would learn from these mistakes after the first time. Nope, made a stupid comment and got thrown right back in. So that is why it has been so quiet from me lately. 

Don’t worry my silence hasn’t been for naught. I actually semi-listened to a friend of mine who said I should just take a break from Facebook (Thanks J!). So while I did not take a complete break (hence Swayne The Swock). Not having the ability to like things on Facebook, my feed started to change. I guess weeding out all of the negative people from my life has finally paid dividends.

The downside to not being able to post on Facebook was in the beginning I felt like I had lost my voice. Another downside is not being able to like Pages and join Groups. All of these things are hard habits to break, when you have been attached to your phone for the last few years.

I don’t know when my depression started, but after doing some serious work with my Therapist, we have finally started to figure out where some of these issues have come from. Now bare with me I’m going to get a bit personal here. For instance growing up I always said I didn’t care what people thought of me. I tried to portray that attitude towards everything I did. Back in high school I was what you would have called a metal head. I had long hair, wore ripped jeans, concert shirts and jean jackets with the sleeves cut off. I thought I was so cool. Well one day a friend of mine noticed that people were laughing at me as I walked into class. To which he said, “well maybe if you dressed nicer, they’d leave you alone.”

My response? “Well if you don’t like the way I look, don’t f’n look at me.” Now at the time I was just a dumb high school kid who had never heard of Dr. Wayne Dyer who said something similar. “What you think of me is none of my business.” I would repeatedly say this mantra later in life, but I don’t think I ever really believed it. Well that is not entirely true. I know that I meant it way back then.

So when did things change? Well I think it happened right during the last couple of years both during and after college. I noticed that by Junior year of college I was beginning to lose my hair. You see in college I was perpetually late. Which meant that I pulled my hair back and put a hat on. Well it turns out that the constant pulling, lack of air and sun from the hat and family genetics led me to being uncomfortably balding at twenty-two or twenty three years old.

I spent lots of time and money on finding a solution to this problem. I was also spending an exorbitant amount on name brand clothes and scents. When did I become this person? How did this change occur? More importantly, why did I become this way and how do I fix it?

That brings me to Crystal Healing and Reiki. So as I mentioned earlier during my 54 days of Facebook jail, I have been doing a lot of self exploring. I believe that we are all beings of energy. That has been proven by science. So then it would make sense that the energy inside us can be manipulated. 

If you know anything about me, you know that when I start something I dive in head first and try to completely immerse myself in it and that is exactly what I have done. It started with a silly Facebook (tell me again how they aren’t listening) quiz to find out if my chakras are blocked. Of course it said all of them were blocked and then tried to sell me a course that would help me clear them.

This is where my journalism background kicks in and I start digging and digging. So much to learn, it actually got a little overwhelming. What I was able to find out is that a Reiki Healer can unblock your chakra, so then I was on a quest to find a Healer. Luckily that weekend we had planned a trip to the PA Renaissance Faire which happened to have a Reiki Healer.

I was happy to learn from her that my Crown and Thirdeye (Your spiritual chakras, coincidence? I think not.) were open, but my other 5, Throat, Heart, Solar Plexus, Sacral and Root were all blocked. Now, I’m not going to go into any other personal details, but most of what she was advising me about was right on and fit exactly with what I had been working on with my therapist. In fact when I went back to my therapist to discuss my experience he wasn’t surprised I had made a breakthrough and even liked some of the advice the Healer gave me.

Well let me just tell you, in the 10 days since the PA REN Faire, I feel like my creative juices have been busted wide open. I’ve read one and a half books on crystal healing. I’ve completed 6 Weeks of a Creative Writing Certificate Program with Wesleyan University. Which is helping me write and actually complete my very first novel. I’ve also completed 1 and a half Modules of a 4 Module Crystal Healing Certificate Program. Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time I felt this way and I believe it is from a combination of both Western and Eastern Medicine.

As I said to my therapist the last time we spoke, the fog is still there, but it is beginning to lift. I am starting to see objects through the fog.